The Parent-Child Relationship part 1

Posted by in Blog, Child Custody, on January 5, 2016

Child custody battles cause loving parents to do things that are unusual and extreme. In the process of divorcing or losing time with their children, parents begin to act out of fear — in an effort to preserve the parent-child relationship. The role of lawyers and the legal system should not be to exploit people in their time of need, but to remind parents that — in most cases — they will be working with this person for the rest of their lives. The struggle to deal with the hurt that caused the relationship to end needs be set aside. The hope is that, despite the fact that you and your spouse are no longer together, you can continue to co-parent.

Co-Parenting Affects the Parent-Child Relationship

When you break-up with a person whom you have a child with, the first question that needs to be answered is: how am I going to co-parent with this person? Child custody cases get more expensive with every disagreement. Starting off, the child custody case, and what you agree on, is important. While money does not equal the value of experiences you will miss due to the break-up, your mutual agreements can be seen as addition to the child’s quality of life.

It may be self-evident that the parent-child relationship is an extraordinary life experience. How do you replace the experience of seeing your child grow and develop: the first time a daughter learns to throw a ball, or the first time a son is able to peddle a bike on his own … The feeling you’ll miss the child’s young development that will make him who he will grow to be … The hopeless feeling that the other parent is going to have more time to mold the child into a person … The loss of control when you drop off the child at the other parent’s house for the day, week or month. Thoughts such as these race through people’s minds when their relationship conflict brings the parents’ fight to the court system. The fight when it gets to the court room generally deals with time and control of the child. The question that should be dealt with is what will be the outcome for the child?

The parent-child relationship cannot be summed up in a catchy phrase or sentence. When a person reaches middle age and begins to analyze their life experiences with an aging or dying parent, they become aware of the importance of the relationship that has developed over time … the bond that has grown between the parent and child and the significance of that bond to both parent and child.

When the disagreement reaches the courtroom, the parents are the ones fighting for those precious memories and experiences that will mold the relationship between the parent and the child. The legal developments that are worked out or ordered by the court will not be significant to the parent-child relationship when your son or daughter ultimately assess their relationship with their parents. The quality of the relationships they have with both of their parents will likely have an impact on who they become and how they reflect on their lives. The legal process will ultimately provide the framework by which the parties conduct themselves; the parties will dictate what that framework creates.

The question is, will the legal process ultimately have an answer? In the coming weeks we will address the legal process in relation to the parent-child relationship. We will explore various issues that arise in child custody cases and how the courts typically address those issues.

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